When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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