at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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