If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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