how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Semen is not good for contacts.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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