So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
