Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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