remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
