you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
