apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
