Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
