i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
