Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Randomize
