Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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