I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges