Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I CAN MOONWALK!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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