You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.