omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
