it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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