They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
