and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
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The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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