He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
