Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
