My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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