I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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