Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
