...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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