Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
