i think my mom watched the whole time
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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