chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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