Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize