There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Farmville is her only friend.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
