Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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