Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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