if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think my moral compass just broke
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