How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
