Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
