WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
