Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
