Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
