dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
