I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
