clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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