just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
