if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You made out with two different species that night
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
