i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
