I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
