his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
