and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
