I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The best revenge is premature balding
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
