honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
