The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
