College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
