She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
