i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
