I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize