she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
