what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My ATM looks so different sober.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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