I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
