Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm getting married
To pizza
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
