So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
