I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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