Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
