apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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