Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
