I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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