Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
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I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize