Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
