i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
