I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
