i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
