what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
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I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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