Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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