I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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