just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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