I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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