you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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