I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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