FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
