mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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