toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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