good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's a Shit stain on my heart
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
