i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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