The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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