my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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