I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
