I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just found a bag of teeth...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
