I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
