I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i think my cat just said my name.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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