the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
third nipple confirmed
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
