I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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