i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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