Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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