I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
