You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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