All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
