I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Randomize
